With all the virtuosity of a veteran concert pianist, and the brazen effrontery of a lady of negotiable affection soliciting outside Buckingham Palace, an aquatic saviour has arrived in town to deliver you, gentle reader, from the tyranny of boredom and the triumph of mediocrity.
The inaugural dish of this banquet of delights is my wonderful self; sautéed, boiled, or battered and served with greasy chips and a large dash of vinegar! Nay, my readers, I but jest – and yet, I have some small hopes for your entertainment over the coming weeks and months. My renowned wit and charm have soothed the savage breasts of forumgoers for many a long year, and now I bring those self-same skills into battle for this premier news site of our beloved community.
Indeed, for your delectation I now provide a veritable feast of words: a tournament of language, a joust between the bravest knights of prose ever to honour our fair realm. A Short Story Competition. The first deadline falls on the Tenth of April, some two weeks hence – a Thursday, if my system clock serves me correctly. We expect your participation, or at least the honour of your presence!
Remember, dear reader, you heard it here first – off the record, on the Q.T. and very Hush-Hush.