I am one of the last remaining purebred assholes on the planet. Please, if you want to adopt an asshole, make sure the facility you choose only deals in 100% assholes, not mix-breeds. They usually turn out to be kinda nice, and nobody wants that.

The day I took over the Earth, but gave it back because a cute little kid said “pweez”.

I’d wish you a happy Valentine’s day, but unless it will finally get you naked, I have to admit, my heart’s not really in it.
-Anon.